Wit and Wisdom of the Louisiana Legislature

by John Maginnis


"Everything starts from a beginning," explained Rep. Henry Burns, which might seem like an obvious statement, except for legislators who learned to take nothing for granted in the recently adjourned legislative session, which was light on substance but slippery on process.

During it, first-term legislators learned a new word: "rookie-doo," a variation of "fugaboo," both used to express the schnookering of a member or the whole body. Such occurred when Rep. Avon Honey nonchalantly got the House to approve a "routine amendment," which effectively accepted the $98 million federal stimulus unemployment benefits that Gov. Bobby Jindal and his Republican legislative allies had vowed to reject.

Or when committee approval of a cigarette tax bill was foiled for lack of a quorum because two Republican members, Reps. Steve Carter and Frank Hoffman, hid out in the governor's office.
Incidents like that characterize a session, instead of soaring speeches and courageous votes, which didn't happen. Rather, it was the passing comment, the flip rejoinder, the clueless remark that defined this meeting of lawmakers and showcased the wit and wisdom of the 2009 Louisiana Legislature.

It started ominously, when a ceremonial delegation of legislators, sent to inform the governor that the Legislature had convened, didn't find Jindal in his office. Sen. Jody Amedee shrugged it off: "He was probably at a fundraiser."

The overriding and overwhelming issue of the gaping budget shortfall prompted an opening-day fashion statement from Sen. Lydia Jackson: "I'm wearing red so the bleeding won't show as much."

Looming deep budget cuts and the need to restore funding drew department heads to the Capitol on an almost daily basis, as Speaker Jim Tucker noted to Agriculture Commissioner and former legislator Mike Strain: "You've been here more than when you were here."

Lobbyists were there every day, though some recognized the futility of stopping budget-cutting measures advanced by the administration. "I'm here performing the armadillo form of lobbying," said Derrell Cohoon, representing highway contractors. "Stand in the middle of the road and get run over by a big truck."

A member rising for a point of order is to be recognized, or not, as when Rep. Hunter Greene, presiding, responded to a query: "I couldn't hear you, but the answer is no."
Sen. Joe McPherson saw a silver lining in an amendment, conceding, "It was a horrible bill to begin with. It's just a bad bill now."

The bill to ban smoking in bars went too far for Rep. Robert Johnson, who said his constituents told him, "We've elected you to represent us, not to babysit us."
Prolonged debate on the matter just made Senate President Joel Chaisson II thirsty. "All this talk about bars and restaurants," he said. "I think we should hurry up and get to one."
One of the weirder bills of the session, to prohibit experimentation with human-animal hybrids, brought a congratulatory note to the author from Speaker Tucker: "Sen. Martiny, your bill pa-a-a-ssed."

Also, the speaker left nothing to chance in planning the annual House-Senate basketball game, telling members. "An ambulance will be there. A doctor will be there. Come on out, it's going to be a lot of fun."

Rep. Karen Peterson thought she needed a doctor after a cabinet secretary, who earlier had tested positive for the swine flu virus, coughed on her in committee. She showed up the next day wearing a surgical mask. Rep. Jared Brossett offered the adjournment motion: "Mr. Speaker, I move the House stand adjourned until it is fully quarantined."

House-Senate relations, as usual, deteriorated in the closing days, to the point where Rep. Bodi White was hooted out of the Senate when he brought a message asking the upper chamber to rescind its amendment to freeze income tax deductions. Sen. Rob Marionneaux told him, "Take that missile that's halfway through your torso" back to the House.
Even differences were elusive, as when Rep. Kirk Talbot concluded, "We'll just have to disagree to disagree."

Prior to final adjournment, the House delegation sent to notify the governor returned to announce he indeed was there this time, and that, as a bonus, they also found Reps. Carter and Hoffman.